It is the silence that enslaves me. Though I hate the mess of a crowd, the fear and uncertainty of being surrounded by so many strangers, my mind is at ease when surrounded. In the silence, my mind wanders, straying from the present and delving deep into my past.
I hate it.
This world is full of such bullshit, for lack of a better term. People cannot understand themselves, much less each other. We lean too much on others to keep ourselves afloat, and in the process bring everyone around us closer to drowning. So I’m letting go of all those around me--my family, my friends, co-workers--to keep them from drowning, and maybe save myself in the process.
This new place in my mind is free; there is no anger, or hatred, or misunderstanding. There is peace. And there is also clarity, something that has long escaped me during my descent into the darkness. But in the here and now, I am, after so long, content. The beginning of anything new is always rough, but I soon hope to describe myself as ‘happy’, without kicking myself in the ass for telling such a bullshit lie.
Here, there is hope. Not just for me, but for everyone.
-J
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