I’ve been meaning to write this one for a long while now…it’s something I’ve discovered, pondered, mulled over, and beat with a hammer inside my head for the last few months. It’s such a simple question, but it is SO complicated: why is change so hard?

I’ve always thought that human beings' ability to adapt is what made us the dominate species, but when you take a step back and examine the human condition, more often than not, human beings HATE to change. They’d rather wallow in their own misery, repeat the same mistakes time and time again, and just die before they’ll take the road less traveled and make a change.

I know a lot of people say, in reference to people in bad situations, that there is always a choice, but that’s just something the Haves say to the Have Nots to make themselves feel superior for ‘making it’. Yes, there is always a choice, but it goes deeper than that—you have to have the means to make the other choice if you’re going to make it. That’s what makes it so hard, and that’s why people are so quick to give up and give in—it’s just easier that way.

I’m a perfect example—I’ve been overweight pretty much my whole life. Sometimes I’d get down enough about it to try exercise or watch what I eat, but I never invested wholeheartedly enough to make an impact. And, of course, at the first sign of defeat, I’d turn tail and run right back to my old ways—because that’s what worked for me. Sure, I didn’t like living that way, but at least I didn’t feel like a constant failure (even though I was).

But now, for some reason, a light bulb turned on in my head, and I realized that I don’t want to die at 40 from a heart attack or something like that when it could have been avoided altogether by taking steps now to prevent it. What’s more, I’m finally putting the effort into it, and it is paying off in spades. My clothes fit looser, I can wear clothes I hadn’t been able to wear before, I have energy, I feel good about myself, and all it took was taking an hour out of my day to work towards a goal. Now, I know that further down the road it’ll get much more complicated, but for now I’m on the right track and it feels GREAT.

But it’s hard—it’s probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done. There’s always that looming feeling, like ‘what if this stops working’, or ‘how long can I keep this up’ swirling in the back of my mind, but I have to continue forward. I wasn’t happy in my old life, so I have to make changes towards a better one. I know that happiness is in my future, that there is some kind of payoff to all the bullshit I’ve gone through and the drama I’ve struggled with to get this far—it would be too cruel a fate if there wasn’t. I deserve it. I’m worth it. I’m willing to fight for it.

-J